Blogs

So. Blogs. What do people write blogs about?

Themselves. Fashion. Politics? Books. Programming. Whatever they are doing. Whatever they are feeling. Thoughts on the world and things. The past. The future.

I am sitting in my room, in my parents house, and there is a Pretenderz record on that I got for my eighteenth bithday.

And she sings “look away/look away/I challenge you to try/look the other way and look somebody in the eye”. She sings to take her with me, to try, but that the pull is much too strong. I have not studied the whole lyrics, and I’ve only listened to this whole record a few times. What does she want me to try and look away from? Them. It. The whole world. All that demands my attention. Is not attention all that is of real worth in this society? All everybody ever wants? All They so feverishly compete for, in the most elaborately intellectualised ways? Attention, which is really just another way of saying time. “You’ve got nothing but time/and it ain’t got nothing on you” Cat Power sings on Sun. I have time. I have had so much of it already. Ever since I have turned eighteen, I think about this almost daily. How much time I’ve passed already. How much there is I have experienced, seen, felt. I am overwhelmed by my capacity for feeling, and even more so by my memory. Listening to Pure Heroine last night transported me back to Berlin. To the doubt and looming desperation of late fall and early winter. I was wearing the striped knit jumper, and that black skirt that has never really fit and walking through Berlin again. As I was only four months ago, sick, and rushing through a modern art museum, lost and so determined at the same time. Such is life.

It is now 10 minutes past ten and a pact I have made with an entrepreneurial good friend to put away all digital devices at this time compels me to do so, and to leave this moment to be forgot, or to be a memory, of time, spent.

I suppose that by any standard this is too fragmented, too personal, too incoherent to be published. But oh well, we cannot wait around asking for perfect things in an imperfect world, sometimes we just have to go for it.